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Supporting Children, Teens, and Adults Through Suicide Awareness and Self-Harm: Using the ASK Method

By Maria Martinez on Sep 18, 2025

As a therapist, some of the most important and vulnerable conversations I have are with clients—children, teens, and adults—who are struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harm tendencies. These moments are tender and often filled with fear, but they’re also moments of incredible courage. When someone opens up about wanting to hurt themselves, they are giving us an opportunity to help hold their pain.

One tool I use in these conversations is the ASK method: Acknowledge, Support, Keep safe. It’s a framework that makes something overwhelming feel manageable, and it’s just as valuable for parents, friends, and loved ones as it is for therapists.
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1. Acknowledge

The first step is to recognize and name what’s happening. Suicide and self-harm can feel scary to talk about, but silence can increase shame and isolation. Acknowledging these struggles helps reduce stigma and creates space for honesty.

With children: I use gentle, concrete words. “Sometimes kids hurt themselves when they feel really sad or mad. Has that ever happened for you?”
With teens: I normalize and invite openness. “A lot of teens feel overwhelmed and cope by thinking about suicide or hurting themselves. Has that been something you’ve experienced?”
With adults: I create space for vulnerability. “You’ve shared how heavy things feel. Have you had thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself?”

For Caregivers/Parental figures/loved ones: Instead of avoiding the topic, ask directly but kindly:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been hurting. Are you thinking about suicide or hurting yourself?”
“You don’t have to go through this alone. I want to understand what’s happening for you.”

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2. Support

Once feelings are acknowledged, the next step is to offer compassionate, non-judgmental support. Support is not about “fixing” or lecturing—it’s about being present.

With children: I help them name their feelings and use safe coping tools (drawing, talking to a caregiver, squeezing a stress toy).
With teens: I validate their emotions and explore healthier outlets for distress (journaling, music, exercise, or grounding skills). I remind them that self-harm is often about release, but there are safer ways to cope.
With adults: I encourage honesty about their coping strategies and help them identify strengths, safe supports, and professional resources.

For Caregivers/Parental figures/loved ones: Show up with empathy. You can say:

“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“I’m here to listen. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
“Let’s figure out some next steps together.”

Support is about presence, not perfection.

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3. Keep Safe

Finally, safety is the priority. This means addressing both immediate safety and long-term support.

With children: I work with parents/caregivers to create a safe environment—removing sharp objects or medications, and creating a plan for when emotions feel overwhelming.
With teens: We create a safety plan that includes warning signs, coping strategies, trusted people to call, and professional contacts.
With adults: We identify safety strategies, crisis resources, and steps to reduce risk—such as limiting access to harmful items and leaning on a support network.

For Caregivers/Parental figures/loved ones:

If there’s immediate risk, do not leave the person alone. Call 9-8-8 in the U.S. (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or emergency services.
If not immediate, help connect them to ongoing professional care (therapist, doctor, or counselor).
Check in regularly—it shows consistency and care.

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Why the ASK Method Helps With Suicide and Self-Harm

Both suicide and self-harm can feel overwhelming to address, but the ASK method offers clarity:

Acknowledge → Ask directly about suicide or self harm, name what’s happening.
Support → Be present, Listen without judgment, validate their pain.
Keep safe → Prioritize safety (ex:Remove harmful items), connect to professional help.

When I use this method with clients of all ages, I see relief. They often say, “I was scared to say it out loud, but I’m glad you asked.” Having the conversation reduces shame and opens the door to hope and healing.

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Final Note:

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harm, please know you are not alone. In the U.S., you can call or text 9-8-8 anytime to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., look up your local crisis hotline or call emergency services if someone is in immediate danger.

Talking about suicide and self-harm does not make it worse—it creates safety. Together, we can ask, listen, and hold hope for those who are hurting.

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Here’s A Sample Safety Plan

Here’s a simple safety plan outline you can adapt at home with a teen or loved one:

1. Warning Signs

“What are the first signs I notice when I’m starting to feel really low or unsafe?”
(Example: withdrawing, trouble sleeping, zoning out, increased irritability)

2. Coping Strategies

“What can I do on my own to help me get through tough moments?”
(Example: deep breathing, listening to music, journaling, drawing, holding an ice cube)

3. People and Places for Support

“Who can I reach out to if I feel unsafe?”
(Example: parent, close friend, coach, therapist, hotline)

4. Professional Resources

Local therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist
Crisis line: 9-8-8 (U.S.) or your country’s hotline

5. Safe Environment Steps

Remove or lock away sharp objects, medications, or anything that could cause harm
Identify a safe space at home where the teen feels calm

6. Emergency Plan

“If I feel like I cannot stay safe, I will…”
(Example: call 988, tell my parent, go to the nearest Emergency Room)

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Emergency Numbers Resources for Suicide Awareness

9-8-8 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial or text 9-8-8 (24/7, free, confidential support)
Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 (to connect with a trained crisis counselor)
The Trevor Project – For LGBTQ+ youth: Call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678-678, or use their online chat‍
Veterans Crisis Line – Dial 9-8-8, then press 1 (for veterans and their families)